Friday, September 23, 2011

How You Doin'?

I haven't blogged for a while, mainly because I felt like there was nothing to say - not that it has stopped me before.

Nothing to say might not be accurate, more of how to say it. I'm still the same ol' Rube, but I'm not. Some of my views and how I feel about things have changed. Thomas Kuhn would call it a paradigm shift, as I no longer see my world the same. Even a good change can be uncomfortable or challenging and so it has been with me.

Today is my year anniversary of being injured at work, which injury lead to the discovery the tumor, which lead to the cancer diagnosis. I can't help but to reflect on the number one question I'm asked.

Last night I received an email saying:

What's up?
I've been thinking about you all week and meaning to email. How are things?

Hope all is well. 

One might think that with such a short question that I would give a short response, uh, not me. Here's some of my reply:

What a coincidence, I too have been thinking about me. (Does that joke ever get old?)

Well, there's just ups and downs. Normal feels fantastic, but tired and lethargic are my new normal. (...)

(...) I generally just answer how I am doing, opposed to how my body is doing. But for a friend I'll let you know both.

My body feels like it's healing. The weekends are the toughest (and most rewarding) with Myrtle all day and church. 
(...) Come Monday I am a zombie, just spent. Wednesday I'm more normalized.

Me, I'm doing good. It just feels like a mental marathon. Things like figuring out Myrtle's Christmas present, 
(...), visiting my cousin Andrew in Dec. and silly projects keep me going when it feels like there isn't a tomorrow.

My whole life has been, I should is being redefined. I find it exhausting and rewarding. On my (Facebook) profile I posted a video of Tom Green on Q. 

I forgotten he had cancer, so I was taken off guard a little about his comments on it. He summed up very well how I feel. This duality of truly living in the moment and this constant throb in my hip that has a way of saying "I know Death."

The hardest part has been me. I feel like every flaw I have or had is magnified. Also, at times I have a hard time relating to trivial problems that people talk about. In that way I feel in a way isolated, only in a small way. On the flip side I seem to celebrate the little things in life maybe too much.

It's a good thing my mom just came by, or I'd keep writing.

Scrabble time!

Thanks for the note!

Life is different, well at least my view on it is. Though it has been quite a year, I wouldn't trade it with anyone else's life or any other year I've had. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm only beginning my year, so I have no idea what changes will come but it seems universally true that they will come. I'm nervous and excited about that aspect of cancer. Who will I be when this is all over? I hope a nicer person, who doesn't sweat the small stuff but still has a nice head of hair.

    Also, I was thinking about you today too so I appreciated the post.