Since I'm clearly such a private person it's seems odd to me as much as it may to you that I am to confess something in such an open format.
I talk to myself.
I'm not sure if there is ever a pause, rather an ongoing commentary on what's going on. I ask questions, state the obvious and make up dialogue for people when I pass by while driving or waiting for them to done their purchase in the checkout line. When I go to sleep I make up scenarios or stories to relax myself to sleep.
I'm not really sure everyone does this continuous self talk, but I can't be the only one. My point is that this is nothing remotely new to me, I know my inner voice very, very, very well.
I have read that I should have a prayer in my heart at all times, I have heard or read from people that some do.
Some call it vibes, sending out thoughts into the Universe, or don't want to give it a name in the fear they'll sound like a nutjob. I just called it prayer and it's directed to my Father in Heaven.
Personally, I feel like all the stars have to be aligned to remember to consciously say a prayer when I wake up. Between the fog of sleep and my alarm clock that says "Daddy! Daddy! Waaaake uuup!" there's little personal time. Or personal space for that matter as my "alarm clock" insists on flushing the toilet for me. One day she'll stop, right?
Through the years I've had feasts and famines of prayer. Before marrying Faith I ended a draught of sorts. I prayed, just daily or weekly and definitely not as much as I would want my daughter to talk to her father (me). With my new marriage I felt direction was sorely needed, and wanted to be someone Faith could rely on.
Then Myrtle came along. Even though there was one more person in my life, I felt alone. Alone in the sense of underprepared for a daughter, boys are no mystery to me, a girl though? Welcomed, but new territory nonetheless. So, I prayed much more for a lot more direction.
As I already mentioned, I talk to myself and I know my inner voice quite well. So when I hear (feel, prompted, inspired) another voice, a voice rarely, very, very, very rarely with words that guide my and my families life I know it is from He that I pray to.
I know it's not me talking to myself, rather there is a conversation with Divinity and little old me. Honestly, I'm not sure I understand it but I know I'm heard. Sometimes, especially if I haven't prayed for a bit or am not living in harmony with my inner compass I get nothing, like the line's dead. When I'm feeling gratitude (choosing to) and am giving and living up to what I ought to prayer is easier.
What I'm getting at is that I've had plenty of experience in being the not praying type and the praying type. Much like the Vaudeville performer Sophie Tucker said "I've been rich and I've been poor. Believe me, rich is better." Well, for me praying has been better than not.
Sufficeth to say, I know prayer works. So, when we were told by my oncologist Dr. Wai that the cancer had returned, after being stunned for a few hours I decided to ask everyone that I knew for sure who prays or at least did at some point. Additionally, I invited all those that also fast and to join my little family in a fast (24 hours without food, while praying for a purpose).
After the prayer and fasting I had a few tests, 24 urine, blood and bone biopsy to determine my treatment. However Dr. Wai said all my tests showed to be in the normal levels and regarding the change? She said "I don't know why."
It's not everyday one goes from being diagnosed with cancer then going into remission with no treatment. But that happened to me, to my little family. As I write Faith is encouraging Myrtle to pick up toys, Myrtle is holding her doll blanket and doll. In the background the hum of our ice cream maker is going. It's family night. We have this relaxed time together, with no thought of the planned high dose chemo treatments I was to take in Vancouver.
Is this not a miracle? Whether it's one more year or 100 more years I am grateful for it.
Prayers were answered. If you prayed and fasted thank you!
Ice cream is ready and Myrtle said "I share with Daddy!" Sounds good to me.