How You Doin'?

I haven't blogged for a while, mainly because I felt like there was nothing to say - not that it has stopped me before.

Nothing to say might not be accurate, more of how to say it. I'm still the same ol' Rube, but I'm not. Some of my views and how I feel about things have changed. Thomas Kuhn would call it a paradigm shift, as I no longer see my world the same. Even a good change can be uncomfortable or challenging and so it has been with me.

Today is my year anniversary of being injured at work, which injury lead to the discovery the tumor, which lead to the cancer diagnosis. I can't help but to reflect on the number one question I'm asked.

Last night I received an email saying:

What's up?

I've been thinking about you all week and meaning to email. How are things?

Hope all is well. 

One might think that with such a short question that I would give a short response, uh, not me. Here's some of my reply:

What a coincidence, I too have been thinking about me. (Does that joke ever get old?)

Well, there's just ups and downs. Normal feels fantastic, but tired and lethargic are my new normal. (...)


(...) I generally just answer how I am doing, opposed to how my body is doing. But for a friend I'll let you know both.

My body feels like it's healing. The weekends are the toughest (and most rewarding) with Myrtle all day and church. (...) Come Monday I am a zombie, just spent. Wednesday I'm more normalized.

Me, I'm doing good. It just feels like a mental marathon. Things like figuring out Myrtle's Christmas present, (...), visiting my cousin Andrew in Dec. and silly projects keep me going when it feels like there isn't a tomorrow.

My whole life has been, I should is being redefined. I find it exhausting and rewarding. On my (Facebook) profile I posted a video of Tom Green on Q. 

I forgotten he had cancer, so I was taken off guard a little about his comments on it. He summed up very well how I feel. This duality of truly living in the moment and this constant throb in my hip that has a way of saying "I know Death."

The hardest part has been me. I feel like every flaw I have or had is magnified. Also, at times I have a hard time relating to trivial problems that people talk about. In that way I feel in a way isolated, only in a small way. On the flip side I seem to celebrate the little things in life maybe too much.

It's a good thing my mom just came by, or I'd keep writing.

Scrabble time!

Thanks for the note!

Life is different, well at least my view on it is. Though it has been quite a year, I wouldn't trade it with anyone else's life or any other year I've had. 

Time For Daddy To Be a Big Boy

Inspired by a comment my cousin-in-law Ashley made about rotating her son Broden's toys, I decided to do the same for Myrtle. Right now, all of Myrtle's hard plastic toys are in her toy box, while her stuffies are all out in her play area. 

Last night, like other nights after Myrtle went to bed I rearranged her toys. The first time I moved them, she did her adorable surprised look and pointed at each toy and saying "OH!" 

Her adorable surprised look.

Oh, how I wished I filmed it. Now her excitement has waned as she only smiles while grabbing whichever one she's deemed worthy of playing with. Soon she'll just not really notice. These precious stages come and go without any warning. 

The best part about getting me getting injured then diagnosed with cancer has been staying at home and being with Myrtle. Of course I'm thrilled to be recovering. There was a time I couldn't drive or be home alone with Myrtle. I now REALLY appreciate combining the two. The last two evenings I've taken her to the store to run errands with me. Like her toys, I'm flattered that she deems me worthy to play with. Never has it been a burden to be with her; I'm lucky to be alive and that I get to be her father.

Early in my treatment on the way to one of our appointments for some reason I decided to literally stop and smell the roses (or some other flower). At first Myrtle was confused with her face being shoved into a flower and her arm would go spastic trying to get the flower out of her face. Now with no prompting she will stop, smell the flowers and pick them. Ones she really likes she'll sniff then go "AHHHH". 

Treatment is over and a new chapter has begun with our little family. I can no longer see Myrtle from my recliner or hear her feet pitter patter in the kitchen under her mom's heels. Now our home is silent except for a fan and Myrtle's toys just sit and stare at me, lonely in the quiet.

Lonely Toys

Faith and Myrtle have moved on, maybe it's best I become a big boy and move on too. But like her toys I'll be eagerly waiting for her return; but unlike her toys I'll be more productive.

...That Time I Married My Cousin

The first time my cousin Andrew and I did something outside family functions was on his 22nd birthday. We were both new-ish to Calgary.  I had yet to forge any real friendships and clearly Andrew hadn't either; as he was spending his birthday with only me.

We hit it off like we known each other our whole lives (we had) and before we knew it we shacked up together on New Years Day 2006. I'll always remember that day. 

My soon-to-be ex-roommate, we'll call him Jordan, had some unhealthy obsession with my neckties (side note: he also had an obsession with tanning beds, Dippity-Do hair gel and flexing in the mirror. Whenever I had a girl over he'd announce loudly that he was off to the gym or that he had such a great work out). Jordan would borrow steal my ties. One time while I was sleeping he tried to return his favorite tie of mine he borrowed stole. Jordan offered money for that tie over and over again. The day of the move he was offering $200.00 for it. I said "No." It drove him mental that I would not relent. He then offered to move my all stuff for me, -25°C, snowing on New Years Day. He had himself a deal, as I'm sure we both felt the other guy got suckered. I was glad to be rid of that dumb striped tie, to be moved for free and begin a new chapter with my cousin Andrew.

Proximity and being cousins made us default best friends. We rollerbladed everywhere, floated down Bow River after work, Andrew was my "Plus One" at office parties. 

Christmas 2005

We double dated,  double dated sisters, double dated cousins, had the same girl like us at different times and had the pleasure introducing each other to future ex-girlfriends. Whoever dated us when we had an inflatable raft instead of a couch must've, really, I mean really liked us ...or was just into rapids. 

Like an old married couple we ate in front of the TV, shared ice cream, cried at the end of Cast Away, trimmed each others neck hair, we bickered then tolerated one another until fun creeped back into our apartment.

One day after work there was a knock on the door. Andrew answered the door and began answering odd semi-personal questions. Intrigued I went to the door to find a Korean woman with a thick accent carrying a Canada Census ID card. She now included me in the conversation, in fact I noticed that she was including "we" in the questions, as in Andrew and I together. 

She then asked us "Are you planning on having children?" 

I reached for and held Andrew's hand replying "We're trying" as I smiled warmly at Andrew. Andrew though was not smiling and there was no warmth as he stared at me. Like a '90's sitcom I was saved by the bell when the phone rang, I left Andrew to continue with our Korean census lady friend. 

Andrew was not too thrilled about the stunt and he freely shared his thoughts on the matter.

The next day at work I told my my coworkers who all laughed, those who knew Andrew enjoyed the story even more. Andrew too relayed his experience to his coworkers. When we came home that evening he conceded that it was indeed funny.

I don't remember how it came about, but we realized something, we were more than roommates. In Canada it takes six month of living together to be common law spouses and of course same sex marriages are legal. Furthermore, in Alberta one can legally marry their first cousin. Andrew and I were  the worlds first cousin husbands, cousbands. Not everyone gets to coin a new word and I couldn't have done it without my cousband Andrew.

But like the girls who lost interest in us, we too moved on. It was for the best, as he was too handsome for me to compete against and I was too balding for him to compete against. Thankfully we're still friends and married to women we're not related to. 

2009 Ex-Cousbands, but still great friends.