One time my brother Ryan mentioned that he read a novel cover to cover while sitting on the toilet. I hope it was over several sittings. This always struck me as funny, magazines are common but a whole novel was ...well, a novel idea.
So last year when Ryan gave me a book for my birthday, Uncle John's Heavy Duty Bathroom Reader by The Bathroom Readers' Institute, I knew there was only one place for me to sit down and read it.
Bathroom time has never been the same. Ryan's gift was more than the book, it's been a movement from flushing down wasted time staring at the wall, to embracing this gift of uninterrupted time.
In one year I have read 1,993 pages from 6.5 books, an average of 5.5 pages a day ...on the can! To the uninitiated this is an amazing gift of time.
A 2007 Associated Press-Ipsos pollreported that in the prior year, 27% of Americans had not read a single book, while 73% had. Of the respondents who reported having read a book, the mean was 6.5 books per year.
Percentage breakdown summary:
1 to 5 books 41%
6 to 15 books 31%
More than 15 books 27%
Fortunately none of my books were a crappy read, a few were even quite moving (horrible puns, I know). Sometimes I was tempted to keep reading after the flush. (TMI?)
All the books were non-fiction, two were humourous, one was opinion based, but all I might never have read as most were gifts. The only book that wasn't a gift was Victor Frankl's Man's Search For Meaning, I bought it years ago but never tackled it.
In the past few days I was given more books, some may journey with me into the b̶o̶o̶k̶r̶o̶o̶m bathroom, others may be spared.
Thank you Ryan for not only the gift of a book, but for sharing the gift of stolen time!
Remember that feeling being a kid home alone at night, when every time the house creeks the only reasonable conclusion is that there's a monster just waiting for you around the corner?
Cancer is my monster.
Lately I was noticing/coping with new constant pain on my hip, it rang some loud alarm bells. After a few weeks hoping it would go away I decided to have it looked at. In addition to the pain I was getting very lethargic; waking up from not even knowing what I was doing before and sleeping 14-16 hours a day.
Because of the changes I decided to get things checked out. A couple of weeks ago I got x-rays on my hip to see if the tumor had any new friends hanging out.
Side note:
Not that hospital gowns need to be fashionable, but the last one was on the verge of humiliating. It was not one size fits all. If I was any taller I would've needed to make the ensemble a two piece. My waist is only 33", but I was still too wide, the x-ray technician was helping it close in the back when I needed to lie on my side.
The Paper Gown Patient
Anywho... If you are like me, I did not know the names of where the pain was/is. My pain was in my sacrum and ilium area on my left side.
Yesterday I received the results: nothing there, I had no new friends! What about the tumor pretending to be a kiwi beside my hip joint? The x-ray technician just commented that that area was noticeable, meaning s/he could tell some work was done there. I still have to wait until sometime in December for a thorough examination. The more radiation the longer one waits.
The pain is just my body healing from being burned by radiation.
For perspective a year ago an acquaintance of mine with prostate cancer got about 10 seconds of radiation a day for 6 weeks = approx 5 minutes in total. Recently he just had surgery due to complications from the radiation.
In contrast my radiation was for a little over 2 minutes of radiation for 5 weeks = about 1 hour in total. That means side effects should not surprise anyone.
The lethargy is just an expected and unwelcome side effect from the radiation treatment.
Last night when I came home I was in enough pain that I vented to Faith about it. While doing so remembered the x-ray results - no new friends! It was like looking under the bed and seeing no monster.
When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.
Before I started typing this sentence I just stared at the beautiful screen, how I have missed a blank screen to blog on. My MacBook has been in the shop to have the keyboard fixed. Fortunately my warranty was still in full effect and all was fixed with no cost to me.
In the couple of weeks without a computer I have had a few things to blog about, but as time passes that moment is kinda lost, perhaps I'll catch up on them at a later date.
When Myrtle goes down for a nap she'll be heard chatting away to herself. But other times she will talk to us, using tactics to have us get her out of the crib. There's a nursery song that goes "Where, oh where, oh where is (insert name)? Where could (name) be?!" Months and months ago Myrtle would 'sing' this from her crib. Calling out, wondering where we were. Hearing a year old say as best she can "Where? Where?" is too hard, I would cave in and get her.
Crying is also a good tactic. Some cries are real, as in "I've had a bowel movement and I do not and will not sleep in it." As a parent you learn the cries and hope to respond to real cries and not to "cryin' wolf". Many times I have fallen for her fake cries, when I go in she is "crying" while smiling. That lil' rascal!
Her best tactic by far is "Dadda, up please! Up please!" Hearing my name coupled with good manners is an irresistible combo. It would be rude to not respond, no?
However, what I usually hear when she cries is "Dad, don't you love me? I just want to snuggle a little." Or "If you let me stay up just this once I won't ever do drugs and I'll go to university so I can cure your cancer!" Who can blame me for going in and getting her?
Tonight Myrtle got me again, from her cry I thought for sure she had made a deposit in her diaper, she made THAT cry. When I went in I right away got her a new diaper, wipes and cream. Guess what? No poop. She just wanted to hang out. When I said it was bed time, her face melted, she slowly walked over to her purple stuffy toy bunny rabbit, looked at me a cried a sad face, then picked her bunny and walked defeated to her room.
Anyways, I have often wondered what she does in her crib when she ought to be sleeping. I asked my friend Kim if I could use his GoPro Hero HD camera to do a lapse of Myrtle's nap. Monday he dropped off the camera, just in time for Myrtle's morning nap.
Tuesday night I went to Kim's and he and his son Brayden (of BroPros fame) began the editing of the video using Adobe Premiere Pro on their iMac. Today (Wednesday) we finished it. Literally the video would have not happened without their help (doing it all) - Thank you Kim and Brayden!
Due to teething and B.M.'s her nap times were cut short. Her afternoon nap was similar, though that time she actually slept. Since she did not move in her sleep, at all, about two minutes were cut out of the video.
I believe there were about 1000 photo's taken every 5 seconds and as mentioned the majority of her sleeping was edited out. Feel free to do the math if you want to know how long the video was. :)
Myrtle is a character, such a joy. Perhaps a few more videos could be made starring her.
